Well, it took me a while, but I finally created my to-do list before I’m 30.
I wanted my list to be well thought out, realistic, measurable, & achievable. I’m not sure if it’s any of those things, but for some reason this list felt different and I felt different when I was creating it.
If any of you venture over to read it you’ll realize it’s nothing special. I’m not on a mission to jump out of an airplane or move across the country. But again, it felt different.
I feel different.
I think it’s a good different? Or maybe it’s not? I’m not sure.
As I sit here and really think about it, there is something that has changed in the last year that would play a role in my attitude while making life to do lists: I now have to take chemo for five years.
In the past, I’ve always had a finish line in my head; a finish line with a white ribbon, waving in the wind, that I would break through, throw my arms up triumphantly & feel free. I would feel normal. I would be thirty. I would plan for a family. I would only get scanned once a year.
That ribbon is no longer there.
Now, I’m better at accepting there is no ribbon. However, I do still notice it’s missing.
Maybe it’s a good different. Maybe this is exactly where I’m supposed to be; laying in bed, watching Sex & the City, snuggled with Ace under the covers, window cracked, listening to Mr. Owl hoot away in the woods, creating an average to-do list before I turn 30.
I’m off to bed – doctor appointment in the morning to FINALLY do something about my cough, I’m sick of one of my 5th graders asking, “is your disease gone yet?” EVERYDAY he comes in the classroom. Wish me luck in getting some meds!
xo