After coming off of an amazing weekend with my girlfriends, celebrating a bachelorette in a city I love, I’m back to twirling in circles, fighting back tears.
On Thursday of last week I had another appointment at the Mayo Clinic. I met with the MFM team, [Maternal & Fetal Medicine.. aka.. the High Risk Pregnancy team]. The doctor I met was amazing. She had read my file up down, researched all trials, publications, and studies, & was ready to deliver some facts.
Fact #1: My type of cancer has an 85% re-occurrence rate.
How did I not know this about my own cancer? Needless to say, it terrified me. I had to hold back tears as the doctor continued with other findings; I tried to be strong & keep it together. But to be honest, I’ve never felt so scared. I tried to tell myself, it’s probably a good thing I didn’t know; it’s a good thing to not take up space in my brain, but it is definitely not something I can now unhear or forget. It will always be in the back of my mind.
Fact #2: Although the five year study will not be published at the end of my three years, indications of the research show five years is going to be better than three years, [in terms of longer survival statistics, least likely to re-occur, & overall quality of life].
Well, that settles one of my decisions. Five years it is, I guess.
Fact #3: There are still options for me.
As hard and as scary as all this information was to hear, I am still trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Life will never be as I planned, & sometimes that makes me really sad.
However, 85%??
I guess I’m going to be that 15%. Because, someone has to be, right?
xo