Yesterday was national GIST awareness day.
All day long, my thoughts constantly went to cancer. Those thoughts circled my diagnosis phone call, my future, my next scan, the little symptoms I actually had when I was diagnosed, being misdiagnosed for almost a year, my label of high-risk… I could go on.
All day I thought about writing a post, an upbeat post about finding the silver lining the past nine years, how getting through five years on chemo sets me to up to get through anything, but I just couldn’t find the words to type.
Yesterday, I found myself in an off mood.
I’m not sure if it was the reminder of high-risk cancer status that got me there, or a recent cancer diagnosis, (for the second time), of a family member that had my mind all twisted, but I was not in a good place of reflection.
But I guess that’s part of it, right?
It’s been over nine years since the dreaded phone call. It’s been over four years since I stopped taking my nightly chemo pill, (though, believe it or not, I still find myself thinking, ‘I forgot to take my pill’ randomly). But neither nine years nor four years have been enough time for me to be perfect in handling cancer’s ugliness.
I should know by now, I just need to lean into those moments of being off. I will still have them, no matter how much time has past.
Because of that, putting this blog out in a new, vulnerable way was a next, important step.
I tried to keep being diagnosed with cancer so quiet and so private, for so long. Those that know me best, definitely saw it and experienced it right along with me, but I recently realized there’s not a reason in the world I should have kept it so hidden.
My cancer diagnosis & treatment IS a part of my story.
It’s a chapter in my life that got me exactly where I am right this minute; a wife and a mama to two, beautiful little miracles. Two miracles I was once told I would never have.
& for that, I’m forever grateful.
Grateful to cancer? No.
But grateful for the time it provided me. The time allowed me grow, learn, reflect, and slow down. I also now have two of the most important, tiny, humans that call me “mama.”
And that’s the type of reflection post I want write on GIST awareness day.
So I’ll say it before, and I’ll say it again:
Today, take a healthy, deep breath and fill your lungs & soul with joy. Do it because you can.
xo,
