saying good bye

It’s been a hot minute, but here I am.

I’ll spare you the ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been arounds’ & ‘I promise I’ll write mores.’ Even though I would say it and mean it, my follow through on those statements has been poor over the last year.

It didn’t feel right exiting the year of 2020 without reflecting on the craziness this year has brought. As much as I’d love to say I’m ready to see her go, 2020 brought me the best blessings I’ve ever received.

Before I touch on that – to recap a bit –

In September, Tony and I moved into a house on the lake. It was a whirlwind end to our summer and my maternity leave with Lou, [taking every nap time and bedtime as time to pack up our first home], but we’re FINALLY, almost four months later, feeling settled in our new digs. There are a lot of projects and there is a lot of upkeep, but we’re excited for our future here & all the amazing memories we’ll make with our family.

School started in a hybrid learning model, which was interesting, to say the least. It was a big adjustment for students, for parents, and for us, as teachers. It’s not an ideal situation for anybody, but this is all unknown territory and school districts are doing their best to figure out the safest moves for all during this pandemic. We switched to full distance learning around Thanksgiving and the tentative plan is to move back into hybrid mid January, which I’m very much looking forward to, since it’ll be set up a little differently than it was in the fall.

And lastly, a couple weeks ago, Tony and I ventured down to Rochester for my four month scan, [it was actually an ultrasound due to the next piece of news]. I heard the words I always hold my breath to hear – clear scans, with no evidence of disease. Even though I may not touch on my cancer journey often or write about the lead up feelings to these scans, it is still very much a part of my ‘everyday’ life, I still get overwhelming amounts of anxiety, and isn’t something I can close the book on just yet. I’m so incredibly thankful my health journey has taken the road that it has, and I don’t take anything for granted because of it.

& now for a little announcement –

We are expecting a baby boy in May. Yep, that’s right, Lou is going to be a big sis! It’s earlier than we had planned for a second child, but who plans?! I’ve learned life happens and you ebb and flow with what is thrown at you. We had our 20 week ultrasound yesterday and he’s healthy and progressing right on track.

I honestly can’t find the words to describe the amount of happiness I’ve felt lately. If someone were to have told me a handful of years ago that I would be a mom to a daughter, with a son on the way, there would have been absolutely no way I would have believed them.

In a way, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, but 2020 has definitely taught me to let go of some of those fears.

& some reflecting –

Yes, I will admit, there’s a part of me that is more than ready to say good bye to 2020. But there’s a big part of me that’s extremely sad to give that final wave.

This year gave me my daughter.

It gave me what I longed and prayed for; a child. It made me a mom. It allowed me to grow in ways I didn’t know possible. It gave Tony and I time. Time to learn from each other in our new roles as mom and dad. Time to slow down, to savor the sweet, tiny moments that normally would have been forgotten by life’s hustle and bustle.

2020 gave me my second, healthy, pregnancy – my sweet, thumb sucking little boy, [yes, he’s already thumb sucking, like his big sis]. As scared as I am at times for being a mom to a second child, I cannot wait to add more love in our home.

So, for you, 2021 –

1. I will continue to slow down & savor all the moments.
2. I will give myself grace, knowing I’m again, marching into new territory of motherhood & life in general.
3. I will prioritize time for myself, daily, even if for only a handful of minutes.

I’m ready for 2021 to give us all that she’s got.

Be back soon, darlings –

x0