I have the guilts that I haven’t written in the year of 2020.
A reflective, blog post on looking forward to what the new year is going to bring is typically one of my favorite posts to write. I love looking back at the highs and lows from the previous year and creating goals on improvements I want to make with the year ahead.
So, here I am! A month late, but with still plenty of time to goal set moving further into 2020.
2020 is the year I am going to become a mother. I still can’t believe it. The clock on our time as a family of three is slowly counting down, and I find myself more emotional than ever, [damn hormones].
I’m emotional, STILL, about how different things will be with Ace. As much as I tell myself I will not let them change, I know change in our family dynamic is inevitable. I find myself in tears every time I kiss his face or snuggle with him in bed. My therapy dog has the best, best heart, and spoiling him rotten is just going to have to happen, even with a baby.
I’m emotional about the chapter of, Tony & Kaylee, closing. Again, change is inevitable, and the Tony & Kaylee chapter has had some amazing years and memories. Yet, I know things will be different moving forward. I’ve been trying to savor every single evening we have left just the two of us. Hell, even last night, I made tacos for dinner and Tony told me I didn’t have to wait for him to eat because he was going to work out. You would have thought he told me the worst news ever, [again, damn hormones]. I went on and on about how I WOULD wait for him because we didn’t have many meals left, just the two of us. [Man, I am rolling my eyes at myself..].
And, I’m emotional about finally meeting our baby. The baby we’ve longed for, prayed for, and waited for, for so long. I cry thinking about the idea of finally holding our child in my arms. I can’t wait to watch Ace meet his brother/sister for the first time. Tears fall when I think about rocking our baby to sleep at night, or thinking about the endless amount of memories we’ll make as a family.
The year 2020 will be one for the books.
For me, the year 2020 also needs a focus or two.
I want to make sure I stay grounded and humble.
I want Tony and I to give ourselves grace, especially through all the change our family will encounter.
I want to stay present, always.
& I want love up every single moment of firsts this year will bring.
Here’s to you, 2020, we’re ready!
xoxo,
