There are 16 days of school left until summer vacation.
[I’m not counting, you’re counting!]
It’s also been two days since Mother’s Day.
This year, Mother’s Day hit me hard.
If I’m being really honest, it hit me really hard.
Let me back up, though.
I had a nice day on Sunday. Tony Ace spoiled me with a beautiful hanging basket & a cute, soft, comfy ‘dog mom’ tee. I proudly wore it all day. I am so proud to be Ace’s mom, but that’s for another day.
I spent time with Tony’s mom and my sister in law, over a wonderful brunch. I was also able to deliver dinner to my mom, who had spent the day driving home from moving my sis, Justine, to Omaha for her summer internship.
It was a nice day.
But…
It hit me hard.
After my loss last year so close to this holiday, I had told myself that my next Mother’s Day would be different. I had convinced myself that good things were to come. I promised myself that next Mother’s Day I could very easily be holding a baby in my arms or in my belly.
I think what hit me hard was the fact that, yet again, I’m not even close.
There are many times I try to tell myself to suck it up, that I’ve been through worse. But, Mother’s Day morning, I was gentle on myself. I sat on our back steps, with the morning sun on my face, Ace circling at my feet, and I cried.
It felt weak, until it didn’t.
The relief was needed.
The day was for celebrating some amazing women in my life. I wanted to be able to celebrate them without the fear of a lip quiver or a crocodile tear on my cheek. Because being a mom deserves allllll the celebrations; it is a true blessing just to get the title.
I also realized, more than anything, that as much as every mom deserves to be celebrated, I deserve that moment on my back steps to be sad. I realized it is okay for me to let my heart ache, and it’s okay to be weak.
Some of my weakest moments have helped me find my strength.
. . . .
On a related note, I was recently given the title of Godmother, and that in itself has made my heart smile 🙂
Welp, I need to rest up, there’s a special birthday tomorrow.
Thanks for being here.
xo my darlings,
