32

I turned 32 last week.

32.

I know it’s not old but to me, it sure feels ancient.

I remember when I created my life to do list on my blog. It was one of the first pages I created. I was excited to take on the world, with the gift of time I had been given after my cancer diagnosis. It made me stop and reflect on goals I wanted accomplishment, and it gave me reasons to keep moving forward.

I updated my life to dos tonight & had to kick myself out of a funk.

I didn’t get to cross much off my by the time I’m 32 list.

My mind started drifting off to places in trying to figure out how or why I didn’t meet some of my goals – hence the funk.

I ended up moving most of my to dos to my what to do before I’m 33 list, and I’m sure I’ll get more checked off by next year, because that’s just how I operate, BUT there was definitely still a low I had to shake off.

In full disclosure:

Two weeks ago Tony and I were given ANOTHER diagnosis.

I was told I had what’s called a molar pregnancy.

Let me guess, you’re not sure what the hell a molar pregnancy is, right?

I was right there with ya.

Basically, it’s abnormal cell growth that mimics pregnancy, [no wonder I felt pregnant the entire month of August, even AFTER the first procedure I had].

If not removed it can create more health problems; a more specific health problem: cancer.

If not removed, it can continue to grow [like cancer] and it will need chemotherapy to stop it from growing.

My take: if my hormone levels don’t go down on their own, I will have to be on chemo AGAIN.

It was a tough couple days.

However…

As of now, my levels are going down completely on their own.

I will continue to have blood draws weekly, so hopefully this pattern will continue. If it does, I will continually monitored.

That also means: no chemo needed.

Once my levels get to 0 I will continued to be monitored for another six months.

My take: another six month delay of trying to start our family.

Although…

32 has been my number since high school.

I’m thinking, it’s bound to bring us a little magic, one way or another.

So I’m done with my deadlines and timelines. Yes, I’ll still have goals, obviously I love having challenges to work towards, BUT I’m taking each day for what it is: a blessing.

This second diagnosis has humbled me yet again, and I’ve realized, [again], my life is pretty wonderful. I’m savoring the moments I have at home with my little family. I’m pulling out the joys and personalities of my students every day in the classroom. I’m screaming the lyrics to “Alive” by Sia as loud as I can on my way to work in the mornings.

&&&

I’m officially an aunt!

Literally most things were forgotten the second I met my little nephew. He’s absolutely perfect & I can’t believe how much I love him already.

Life is wonderful.

I’m continuing to get these reminders to enjoy what’s right in front of me, right now.

So my main goal is to try to do just that.

Thanks for being here, my pumpkins.

xo