slide; don’t stumble

Yesterday I tried my hand at painting. I did not create any sort of art; I painted the front room, off our front entry. In the morning, I sent Ace on his way to doggie day care, came home, cranked my tunes, and got to work. I found it soothing, even though I had no clue what I was doing. My father-in-law came by to put in a new facet in our kitchen sink, (a three year anniversary gift! She’s beautiful!), and gave me a few pointers. I ended up with roller streaks, even after a second coat! I was told I was trying to ‘push the paint’ out of my roller too much. So, a second painting day will probably be needed.

Therein lies my problem. In my search for a hobby, I stumble quite a bit. Don’t take this the wrong way – this is not a woe is me blog post. Poor Kaylee can’t find her ‘thing,’ is NOT what this is about. However, it is a frustration when I continue to do things the wrong way, or can’t seem to catch on. The problem is the patience I have when I’m teaching doesn’t carry over anything else that’s useful, like, do it yourself projects, learning a new instrument, etc… Take the sport golf for example. Athletics was kind of my thing, but when I play golf, I’m awful! I look like a four year old having a tantrum. I throw clubs, I swear, I pout, I wave my arms, I’m mean; it’s not pretty. I can’t deal when things don’t come easy.

Bounce back. Practice patience. Slide; don’t Stumble.

You would think by now I should be a pro at dealing when things don’t go my way, or to my plan. I take a chemo pill every day, I can’t drink alcohol like all my bar-hoppin’, patio-sitting, friends, and no babies for at least three years, (they say after two years, but I’m being realistic. A baby will not be in our home for at least three years). I get poked for blood every other month – some nurses don’t take THEIR time, and I end up with bruised arms. Or they talk to me like I truly am a five-year-old, “How are you today, Sweetie? This will only hurt for a second, okay? You doin’ okay? There, all done! That wasn’t so bad!” Keep in mind this is in a high-pitched, squeaky, your-baby-is-so-cute voice.

Are you kidding me? I’m a 27 year old woman. I have been diagnosed with cancer, talk to me like that and I will seriously poke you in your eye.

However, I have noticed a couple things I am good at – one of them being my relationships. I value people, their feelings, their interests. I work hard at making sure Tony feels like he is on top of the world every day. I have learned how to deal with a teenaged puppy; his antics no longer stress me out – who’s new game, by the way, is to search in the woods to find the biggest stick he can possibly find, bring them to our patio, and chew and shred them into little pieces. It’s perfect, really, because now when I go outside barefoot, I get nice splinters in my toes – thanks, Ace! But, this does not stress me out… this does not stress me out.. this does not stress me out……….

I have also noticed it’s okay to brag about yourself sometimes. Who actually does that, you ask? Not many. That’s the problem with self-image these days. But it’s okay to bask in the glory of you. Think about something that you’ve accomplished recently – how did it make you feel? Did you take the time to celebrate this accomplishment? Did YOU, personally, take the time to thank yourself for being so great? Try it. I would bet my next teaching pay check -which, we all know how rich I am – you will smile. This is one of those practices I have tried to do often, you know, to help get my peaceful mind back to where it was over a year ago. I have to say, it’s helping.

I have also learned I’m really good at sitting in the sun on our patio, listening to music, watching Ace pounce around our backyard after birds. Cheers!