change what you can, accept the rest

anxiety post 1Most of us have our issues: always late, picky eaters, over analyze, overweight, underweight, never stop worrying, etc…

My issue is anxiety.

Writing about my anxiety is personal, even though I won’t go quite as in-depth as I probably should; it is hard for me to admit I have a problem, that is at times, out of control.

Now, when I say out of control, I mean out of control for an obsessive, planning, OCD, to-do list following dreamer; even the slightest change or worry can turn me.

Through my journey so far I have had my dark days – Tuesday was one of them [sorry for the dark, ominous post]. I can always feel it lingering. Like Tony joked last night, “well, we’re coming up on our every three month moment, I was waiting for this to happen.” I didn’t know he was keeping track, but apparently every three months or so I have a little mental road block, can’t see my path, and need some extra hugs and kisses, [which also apparently makes everything disappear].

We stood in the kitchen last night, with Ace laying between our feet, & Tony kissed my tears away. He reminded me how strong I am & that it is okay to let him help me in my moments of weakness – remember, every three months or so :) He whispered that we still have our plan & reminded me of all the exciting things in the months ahead – family gatherings, a trip to Mexico for his brother’s wedding(!), multiple out of town trips to stand beside our best friends as they walk down the aisle… the list could go on.

Why do I need these reminders of good times to come? Why do I cry and need him to hug and comfort me? I’m not sure. I know I’m strong, but I’ve also gotten very weak the past couple years. His reassurance that things are okay is my best medicine. My best therapy. My best everything.

He made me laugh when he reminded me the Minnesota Timberwolves were going to be playing in an hour, with one of my favorite players returning – Kevin Garnett, The Big Ticket. And just like that, everything melted away.

My post title sums up my goal for the rest of this year – change what you can, accept the rest. As soon as I REALLY accept my new life plan, I know I’ll be okay, but it’s just taking me a while to get there. In the mean time, I’m going to change what I can: my negative attitude, involve more green drinks, appreciate my little students, be a RUNNER again, & get rid of my old life plans, by making new ones.

peace out my darlings, thanks for listening..

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dealin’

5 ways I improved my day: 

1: A music bath listening to Bon Iver [would I really listen to anything else?]

2: Scolded & then played with Ace [i have a love/hate relationship with this little guy right now. We’re in the middle of some training techniques & it’s definitely a process] But the playing part makes everything worth it! :) 

3: Surfed mindlessly on Pinterest [mindless is the key word- just surfed- no projects in mind]

4: Made my favorite dinner [sausage stuffed mushrooms; they’re to die for]

5: Appreciated all the people around me that care; I am not alone! 

Some words of advice I was given today: blogging about a healthy lifestyle isnt the same as living one. Take control of it. 

Very true and even before this advice, I realized the same thing. I’m never one to sit and feel sorry for myself- I need to change the things I don’t like. 

Tomorrow’s plan: start the day off with a green smoothie, eat a healthy lunch, WORK OUT, finish the night with my favorite chicken, quinoa enchilada recipe, while watching KG return to the Timberwolves  :) 

Peace out- peanuts 

Xo

why did you come back?

It’s back.

I don’t know why it decided to slowly creep back into my life, but the past two days, it’s made itself pretty comfortable. It’s made sleep impossible, it’s completely taken away my concentration, it takes the fun out of work, it portrays hills as mountains, & makes me a monster.

I can’t relax under it’s control. I can’t find happiness. I can’t find the light.

Usually, it’s presence is before a six month scan, but not this week. Why must it return? What does it want from me? What am I supposed to do?

Projects keep it at bay, once and a while. At times, writing helps, but not all times.

For today, I’ll curl up with my puppy by the fire, with a good book & hope it becomes bored and leaves me at peace tonight.

a letter to me

Time is a crazy thing. It moves swiftly, without warning.  It creates things, like gray hair & wrinkles. It gobbles up memories & can cause regret.

This week I had the privilege of attending my little sister’s Senior Night for high school basketball, [I’m unsure where time went! For starters, I can’t believe she is a senior!] I have been involved in her basketball journey since she started dribbling a basketball when she was a toddler. I was a basketball player; It has been a big part of our family, as well as gymnastics [my other sister’s passion].

My sister’s last couple basketball seasons haven’t gone favorably for her, but she continued to have a passion for the game; showing up for every summer work out, shooting and working out every day at the local Lifetime, etc… I am amazed at her dedication.

Over the course of the season, I continued to tell her to try to enjoy every minute playing a sport she loved with her friends, that it goes too fast, and to enjoy the little things. As I reflect on some of the things I advised her, I think back to myself as an 18 year old. What would have I done differently? What would I tell myself?

.    .    .    .    .    .    .    .    .    .

Dear Kaylee,

Listen up, chump. There are a few things we need to get straight.

First off – you don’t know everything. Ask for help, listen to your parents, and be nice to your sister, [I’m talking about you, Alissa!]. People surround you with love, advice, and friendship; appreciate them.

Your shit DOES stink. You aren’t above anybody. Everybody is on their own journey, just because someone’s may be different than yours, get over yourself! Be nice, be humble, & give back.

Find yourself, first. I know you LOVE Tony, [there are many things to love], but don’t put his needs above your own – that’s what marriage is for! And that brings me to my next point – you marry him! Things will work out beautifully. So for now, explore who you are, meet new people, take risks, be silly, & have fun.

Bread and cheese are not the only two food groups. Start good, healthy, habits now. I know it may seem easy to stay at a ideal weight, have muscle definition, etc… but it won’t last forever. Take care of your body, it is the only one you have.

Don’t stop writing. Writing is a part of you; expand upon it. Take a couple writing courses at college & see where it goes. You are going to be a wonderful teacher, but there may be other opportunities for yourself pursuing your other passion.

And lastly, have a big heart. Be compassionate to others. Forgive & don’t hold grudges. Life is too short to be a snot, angry, or unhappy.

xo, Kaylee

spaghetti squash burrito bowls

image1Hello all!

This is a quick little post on a recipe I recently added to my greens tab – Spaghetti Squash Burrito Bowls.

This was my first attempt at cooking with spaghetti squash – it is discussed A LOT with the paras in my classroom, they seem to cook with it whenever a recipe calls for pasta!  – & my first attempts didn’t fall short of anything but fantastic!

The recipe I whipped together was quick, easy, and oh-so-tasty! Check it out & try it – it will NOT disappoint!!

Happy Tuesday! xo