My issue is anxiety.
Writing about my anxiety is personal, even though I won’t go quite as in-depth as I probably should; it is hard for me to admit I have a problem, that is at times, out of control.
Now, when I say out of control, I mean out of control for an obsessive, planning, OCD, to-do list following dreamer; even the slightest change or worry can turn me.
Through my journey so far I have had my dark days – Tuesday was one of them [sorry for the dark, ominous post]. I can always feel it lingering. Like Tony joked last night, “well, we’re coming up on our every three month moment, I was waiting for this to happen.” I didn’t know he was keeping track, but apparently every three months or so I have a little mental road block, can’t see my path, and need some extra hugs and kisses, [which also apparently makes everything disappear].
We stood in the kitchen last night, with Ace laying between our feet, & Tony kissed my tears away. He reminded me how strong I am & that it is okay to let him help me in my moments of weakness – remember, every three months or so :) He whispered that we still have our plan & reminded me of all the exciting things in the months ahead – family gatherings, a trip to Mexico for his brother’s wedding(!), multiple out of town trips to stand beside our best friends as they walk down the aisle… the list could go on.
Why do I need these reminders of good times to come? Why do I cry and need him to hug and comfort me? I’m not sure. I know I’m strong, but I’ve also gotten very weak the past couple years. His reassurance that things are okay is my best medicine. My best therapy. My best everything.
He made me laugh when he reminded me the Minnesota Timberwolves were going to be playing in an hour, with one of my favorite players returning – Kevin Garnett, The Big Ticket. And just like that, everything melted away.
My post title sums up my goal for the rest of this year – change what you can, accept the rest. As soon as I REALLY accept my new life plan, I know I’ll be okay, but it’s just taking me a while to get there. In the mean time, I’m going to change what I can: my negative attitude, involve more green drinks, appreciate my little students, be a RUNNER again, & get rid of my old life plans, by making new ones.
peace out my darlings, thanks for listening..